The ADHD Carpentress

Here’s how not to install subfloor. I don’t mean like, here’s how to do it the wrong way, let me show you the right way. I mean, here’s how to NOT install subfloor.

The objective: clean up the site real quick ahead of the weekly meeting with the homeowners, designer, and my project manager. There’s not too much to clean up; it’s a fairly small kitchen remodel and I already gave it a good cleaning after the electrician and plumber left yesterday.

But damn, there’s this piece of subfloor that I had to remove for the plumber’s rough-in work. It’s just leaning up against the wall. I bet there’s time to reinstall it before the meeting in an hour. Easy peasy.

First, the shiplap and joists need to be vacuumed. Wood shavings everywhere, damn electricians and plumbers. Might as well do all the stud bays while I’m at it. Might as well do the window sills too. I have white boards on the window sills, I wonder if I could build a little shelf for them somewhere else. Lemme go stare at this wall for a while and build it in my brain. Maybe a little desk then too. But when would I need to move it? Insulation.

OH FUCK INSULATION, I forgot to schedule insulation. What’s the Spanish word for batts? I wonder if it’s confusing at all that the English word for “batts” is a homonym with “bats”—when I say “please fill the walls with bats, just stuff bats everywhere you can” does anyone ever just think “what the actual fuck you animal-torturing fucko”? Did you know that the US Army tried (and failed) to use bats as bombs during WWII? It ended spectacularly poorly. True story. Look it up.

Glue. I need subfloor adhesive. Head out to the job box in the garage and find a tube (where’s the caulk gun?) Damnit it’s messy back here (makes half-hearted attempt to clean up). It should just take 5 minutes to clean up [5 = 20].

There were some questions that the electrician needed answers to yesterday. I remember 2 out of 3. I JUST REMEMBERED THE THIRD. Run back to the whiteboard to write it down. This whiteboard would be way better on a shelf. It wouldn’t take long at all to put up a shelf but then I’ll have to remove it for DRYWALL, shit, I need to poke the drywall guy to come do a site walk. Lemme write that down on the whiteboard.

Fuck, what was the third question from the electrician.

Weekly meeting in 15 minutes.

Well, let me just randomly decide to take out this door instead.

Now I can put this door over the subfloor patch that I didn’t install and no one will know, and the subfloor adhesive has wandered off somewhere, and there’s a note on my whiteboard that just says “BATS?!” but I know there should be something else on there too.

But I just remembered the third question from the electrician, so I type it up under my meticulously organized notes for the weekly meeting. I zip closed the plastic wall to the kitchen, where no one will ever see the door on the floor anyway, and emerge on the other side as a highly-functional and detail-oriented superintendent who DEFINITELY can install subfloors. Eventually.